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Thursday, April 19, 2012

So I'm wrong???

One day I will be more consistent with my blogging. I promise! It just seems to be something going on all the time that I don't get around to it. I'm totally to blame and have no problem owning up to it (smile).

So, I get questioned often about "why are you so happy", "why do you always have to post positive stuff", "your life can't be that great"... REALLY? Why are these even questions?

Listen, when I was a kid,  a teen, young adult...I had an attitude. I will admit to that one but it took some time for me to admit it. Why did I have an attitude? Because people caused me lots of pain when I was younger. I was talked about for being light skinned, I was talked about for going to private school, I was talked about because of what I had or anything else stupid you can think of. I had problems with females most of my life, so I usually took more to males. I then became a "hoe", because I had so many male friends. So, I developed an attitude as a security blanket. I gave attitude first so you didn't get the opportunity to hurt me. Dumb? Yes...but its what happened.

As I grew older and had lots of my mothers friends who gave me tons of advice. ( I also used to stay around the older crowd because they didn't make me feel like my peers did). They would often tell me, you should never dim your light because someone else is threatened by your greatness. My parents also told me this too, thank God that seed was embedded because it helped me get to where I am today. When I was in college I became obsessed  with self help. I wanted to be better, that was a huge goal of mine. I read books, from Iyanla and many other great authors. But, I wasn't ready quite yet. I still had some growing to do and that is to be expected for a young lady in her twenties.

I've been hurt so many times during my life by friends, strangers, etc but all of that helped me become who I am today. I drown myself in being happy, in being better, in mastering my mind, helping others, empowering others, supporting others. I live it, I breathe it but it was hard work. Being optimistic, choosing happiness requires work but it can happen. I got rid of a lot of friends and so called friends, people who were not adding any value to my life. People who constantly brought drama amongst other things.

I started reading, I started affirming, I started praying, I started forgiving, I started loving more, I started smiling more and so on. Whew, thank God I am where I am now. I love hard, always have but now I love better. I forgave myself and anyone who had ever hurt me. I have done so much to get here, to get to this moment.  God's grace and mercy helps me everyday. I keep myself spiritually plugged in and I got myself a life coach. Everything I learn I want to pass on to save someone else from themselves.

I said all that to say this. There is nothing wrong with someone being happy, there is nothing wrong with living happy and choosing happ"y"ness. IF you are having trouble with getting here, I can help you. Trust me there are days where you have not so good days but you don't focus on that...its part of being human. But never let anyone keep you from being the best you, the happy you! They are the ones with the issue. Smile harder, love harder, it will eventually rub off. Many know my glory but don't know my story which is far deeper than posted here and my story is what got me to the awesome me I am today!

I love you, whoever reads this. I'm here to help.

~thegorgeousdork

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Without questioning...

So, I know I'm very sporadic with my posts but sometimes there just isn't time. I know, I need to make more time right? lol.

So, about a month ago a friend lost her mother and I was feeling some sort of way and actually worried for her but she made sure we all knew she was just fine. Her mother had been battling cancer for the second time. I lost my father to cancer along with an uncle in 09 and '10. Last summer I lost my grandmother but it was pretty much natural causes.  In the past 7 years I've lost so many important people that I struggle sometimes not to question God. I know that death is a part of life but why do they have to all be back to back and all be such big pieces of the puzzle?

Yesterday morning I lost my Godmother...to yes, cancer! She had been dealing with it and made all of us feel like things were getting better. So, when I got the call yesterday morning it took my breath away. She was such a big piece of the puzzle in my life. Why? but I didn't ask. I kept the "why?" to myself. I knew my Godmother loved God more than anything in this world. I was comforted in knowing that she did not have to suffer much. She experienced one day of pain, praise God. I know she is in heaven and about to celebrate Easter up close and personal. I look forward to the day we meet again.  My message to her was that I loved her and would miss her but could she please kiss my father for me. 

I have experience so much loss but I am eternally grateful for my experiences with all the loved ones I have lost for they were all memories that I will cherish forever. I am also thankful for the wonderful family I have and the friends because they all are here for me no matter what. How many can say that they have that? Not many. I am truly blessed. 

Forgive, Love, Live, Laugh and keep God first!